So, you may have all heard of this amazing thing called “5 hour energy.” It is basically the most amazing thing in the world, if you do not plan on sleeping, studying, or having anything hold you attention for more than 30 seconds. It should probably be called “Bottled ADHD and Insomnia.” I drank half of one at approximately 11:30 last night, hoping it would give me just enough of a boost to power through my 3 chapters of notes I had to take, which ironically has piled up from missing classes, because I slept through them.
This is what I hoped...
This, however, is not what actually happened. Here is a detailed accounting of my experience with 5 hr energy in:
“Black Sunshine vs. '5 Hr Energy.'”
It all started when I went to Twilight, a very big bike race held annually in my college's city. Knowing that a ton of people attend, companies come, set up tables and give out free stuff, because... I don’t know all the inter-workings of advertising, but somehow by giving free things away they make money.. seems counter-intuitive... I know.
Anyway, never have I been in a position to turn down free things, no matter how little use they may be to me. That in conjunction with peer pressure: when a man offered me 5 hour energy, I was obliged to take it.
The next day, having nearly forgotten about the free gifts I had so callously shoved in my purse, I began studying for a chemistry final. When 11:30 rolled around, and I was only about 1/4 of the way through the notes I was taking, that 5 hour Energy started looking like a godsend.
Having never taken any energy supplement, aside from coffee, which was usually decaf, I decided to be safe and read the label, which offered the option of drinking half now, half later to only get half the power.
Thinking quickly I, Black Sunshine, opted to do this assuming 2.5 hours would be sufficient time to do all the work I had to accomplish and still get to bed by 2, in order to get sufficient sleep before my 9am class.
It smelled like fruit punch. :] Sadly, it tasted like freshly brushed teeth, morning orange juice, and cherry jolly rancher.
But that was not the worst of it, if terrible taste was not enough, the 2.5 hours were most certaily not long enough for me to finish everything -they might have been if my concentration had not been compromised by the half empty bottle of 5hr energy which “did not need to be refrigerated” sitting in the refrigerator -
Black Sunshine has one weakness- half empty things in the fridge. I am always afraid someone will open my fridge a judge me for all the half empty/half eaten things that I refuse to throw away, plus what if I decide never to eat it again, and it grows mold... which I'm about 99% sure I have a bowl of moldy noodles, but I’m too afraid to open the lid whenever Groomie is around.
I succumbed to my intense desire, not to leave the half empty bottle of toothpaste, orange juice, jolly rancher drink in the fridge. It was now or never....
Naturally a Heroine o my stature and aptitude, would not easily be defeated by a few extra hours awake; Black Sunshine chose now!
Ended up going something like this:
In the battle of Black Sunshine vs. 5hr Energy, there was no contest. 5 hour energy dominates:
Black Sunshine knows when to admit defeat...
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